What carving a jack-o-lantern with my 9-year-old reminded me about trust, adaptability, and knowing when to step in—or step back.
Last night, my 9-year-old and I carved our annual jack-o-lantern.
If you’ve ever done this with a child, you know the ritual: newspaper spread across the table, the bowl waiting for the pumpkin guts, and the inevitable debate – should it be cute or scary? It’s part art project, part science experiment, and entirely an exercise in patience.
Midway through, I realized this pumpkin was giving me a masterclass in Situational Leadership®.
Carving a jack-o-lantern with a 9-year-old and leading a team have more in common than you might think. Both require the same core skill: the ability to read the moment and adapt your style to what the person in front of you needs most right now.
Because leadership — like pumpkin carving — isn’t linear.
It’s adaptive.
When people first learn about Situational Leadership® (developed by Paul Hersey and Ken Blanchard), they often imagine it as a ladder: start with Directing (S1), move through Coaching (S2) and Supporting (S3), and eventually reach Delegating (S4).
But leadership rarely unfolds that neatly.
It’s not a staircase — it’s a dance.
Different moments within the same project — or even the same conversation — may require completely different approaches. What matters isn’t consistency of style — it’s consistency of awareness.
As my daughter and I moved through the carving process, I noticed myself shifting in and out of each leadership style, sometimes within minutes.
The Four Leadership Styles of Pumpkin Carving
S4 Delegating
“She knew what she wanted the design to be, and she knows how to search the web.”
We started with autonomy.
She had a clear vision: a “scary cat.” She grabbed my laptop, opened Google Images, and began searching for the perfect design.
She didn’t need me to lead this part. She needed freedom, space to explore, make choices, and express her creativity. My role wasn’t to direct; it was to stay out of the way.
This was pure Delegating (S4): low direction, low support. She had both competence and confidence in this stage.
As leaders, this can be the hardest mode to stay in. We want to help. We want to feel useful. But sometimes leadership means holding the boundary between helpful and hovering.
When someone on your team is capable and confident, the best thing you can do is hand them ownership — not because you don’t care, but because you trust them.
Pumpkin lesson #1: Trust often sounds like silence.
S3 Supporting
“You scoop out the pumpkin; I’ll cheer you on.”
Once we opened the pumpkin, uncertainty crept in.
She excitedly began to scoop the pumpkin, but it got hard quickly.
“It’s so cold.” “My arm hurts.”
Classic S3 territory.
She knew what to do; this wasn’t her first time scooping a pumpkin — but her motivation dipped. My role wasn’t to take over, it was to support her effort, not rescue it.
So, I leaned into encouragement:
“You’re doing great.”
“You’ve almost got all the seeds out.”
In Supporting (S3), the leader offers low direction but high support. You’re not managing the task, you’re maintaining the momentum. The person doesn’t need instruction; they need energy.
This is the moment when your belief in them becomes fuel for their follow-through.
S2 Coaching
“I’ll keep you company and play fun music while you transfer the image.”
Next came the design transfer — taping her printed image onto the pumpkin, poking little holes along the outline.
This was trickier. She had the concept but not the muscle memory. It required focus and patience.
So I stayed close, turned on Thriller, and created a fun atmosphere.
That’s Coaching (S2): high direction and high support. The leader stays close, not to control, but to guide, encourage, and make learning feel safe.
When someone is learning and developing new skills, they need to feel your presence — but not your perfectionism. My job wasn’t to fix her work; it was to create the conditions for her to keep trying.
In the workplace, S2 moments sound like:
“Let’s try it together this time.”
“I’ll walk you through the first few steps.”
“You’re doing great; let’s troubleshoot that part.”
In pumpkin terms: play music, hold the tape, and keep the vibe light.
S1 Directing
“I’ll show you how to cut safely and supervise you closely.”
Then came the carving. Knives. Fingers. Stakes were high, so I took the reins
This was Directing (S1): high direction, low support. I demonstrated the safe way to cut, made the first few incisions, then let her try under close supervision.
This isn’t micromanagement; it’s responsible stewardship. When skills are low and risk is high, structure keeps people safe.
And when you communicate clearly and calmly — “Hold the knife like this,” “Cut away from your hand,” “Take your time” — you build trust that allows people to take on risk more confidently later.
Even seasoned professionals need S1 moments: a new system rollout, a sensitive client conversation, a safety-critical task. All demand clear instructions. Direction isn’t dominance; it’s care delivered through clarity.
The Dance of Adaptive Leadership
By the end of the night, our kitchen was a glorious mess of pumpkin seeds and newspaper, our jack-o-lantern beamed proudly from the porch, and I realized something:
I hadn’t used one leadership style. I’d used four, often switching between them in the same hour.
That’s the essence of Situational Leadership® — it’s fluid, not formulaic.
Real leadership means knowing when to step in, when to step back, and when to simply be there — music playing, encouragement flowing, letting someone else find their way.
You can’t always plan the order. Sometimes you start with delegation, then shift to support, then direction, then back to delegation again. The goal isn’t consistency of behavior, it’s consistency of intention: to meet the other person where they are.
What Leaders Can Take From a Pumpkin
Here are a few reflections from that night that apply far beyond the kitchen table:
- Autonomy and safety can coexist.
You can give freedom while maintaining boundaries. Great leaders define the edges of risk so their teams can safely explore inside them. - Encouragement is an energy source.
When motivation dips, your belief in someone becomes their fuel. - Presence matters more than precision.
People rarely remember the perfect feedback you gave; they remember how supported they felt while figuring it out. - Leadership is relational, not positional.
Titles don’t determine readiness; context does. The same person might need your trust in one area and your training in another. - The glow comes from within.
When you light a candle inside the pumpkin, all the uneven edges, knife slips, and odd shapes suddenly make sense. The imperfection becomes character. The same is true for teams; the glow comes from the light you help them build from the inside out.
That small pause builds learning loops into your culture and turns meetings from one-off events into iterative improvement. When done consistently, it creates a subtle but powerful norm: feedback isn’t a separate ritual—it’s woven into how the team operates.
Closing Reflection
Carving that pumpkin reminded me that leadership isn’t about maintaining control, it’s about knowing when to guide and when to give space, when to hold the knife and when to hand it over, when to say, “I’ve got you,” and when to say, “You’ve got this.”
We often talk about leadership as though it’s a static trait; something you “are.” Leadership, like carving a jack-o-lantern with a 9-year-old, is really about staying present to what’s needed right now. And when you get it right – even if it’s messy – the result is something that glows from within.
Ready to strengthen your leadership presence?
Let’s spend 30 minutes together mapping how you can adapt your leadership style to build more trust and clarity with your team. Schedule a complimentary Leadership Clarity call today.
